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Comments for 'After Halo' |
This story sucks my balls
5:54 pm | April 17, 2003
thats self-explanatory enough i think...
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Havok
2:36 am | April 17, 2003
yeah, the "blobs" just werent doin it for me. and the no-description on how the new APOLLO(WTF?) suit is twice everything it was before. about two hundred percent more description, and you got yerself an A-OK Story
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el_halo_diablo
2:24 am | April 17, 2003
*asleep until soemone pokes him with a sharp stick* What! Oh im awake! um I just decided to take a nap becaue your story was putting me to sleep. PLEASE look for already existing titles using the search function, becuase three other authors have already used that same exact title I do believe.
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James Kinsella
2:06 am | April 17, 2003
Also, the name you chose as yours makes me question you sanity, or sexuality, not really sure. If there is a reason behind it, tell us, cause I'm beginning to wonder.
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Sarge
1:51 am | April 17, 2003
I swear almost half the stories I cold say the Guide to N00bs Jaywhit thing about...
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James Kinsella
1:39 am | April 17, 2003
Vomit Comet, Technicolor Yawn, Tango with the Toilet, Barf, Regurgitated Matter, Puke, & Pass Outta Class, are all words that can be used to describe this fic. It is customary to start a new paragraph when you start a new speaker or subject. Also [indent] the new paragraphs. What makes the whole thing worse is that you have taken a much used idea and re-written it. On top of that you took a ship's name from a Gene Roddenbary show. All of this exhibits your originality. I hope you put mor thought into your next one.
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Red
8:29 pm | April 16, 2003
I, on the other hand, have a reputation for giving honest replies (i think). Well, first of all, you seem to have a low vocabulary. Blobs is used to decribe two things of quite different magnitude. I would have defined Earth as a Majestic Sphere or something and the cvenant ships as satanic specks. Do something a little more elaborate to open your fanfics. The descriptions are very blatant and unoriginal, and this fanfic seemed a like a "bloob" of almost random sentances. Add some structure, grammar and ad___s and you should be fine. Dialogue would be nice too...
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Traumatised Marine
6:25 pm | April 16, 2003
Sigh, I don't have a reputation for saying unpleasant things (I hope) but I'd like to issue a warning to everyone else;
YAWN.
No new lines between dialogue, unoriginal scenario, not wonderfully executed, and the title is literal and plain.
Rather like an arse without a hole- pointless.
Although this guy does have an interesting alias.
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